A few years ago Grey’s Anatomy shocked fans in an episode when Dr DeLuca suggested orgasm to help a woman progress her labor and reduce pain.

So - is there any truth to these claims? Is it really possible to have an ecstatic, euphoric orgasmic birth?

Yes!

Yes!

Yes! (sorry - couldn’t resist).

This birth story was shared with me this week.

(I'm sorry if this is a little too graphic) I had no idea my baby was coming. My sex drive suddenly went through the roof (I was told to refrain from it) that lasted about an hour, I dismissed it as hormones.

I got a pressure down below, but nothing hurt, I felt so full of love, so unbelievably happy. I couldn't stop laughing. The day my baby came I spent the day wanting to do nothing more more play and snuggle. Little did I know my cervix was dilating. Those waves of happiness I kept feeling were the surges of labor. I felt so peaceful, so confident and I just felt like I was glowing.

This was a huge change from the aches and pains I was used to. That day I felt no pain at all, no pregnancy aches or pains, just this happy hormone feeling that seems to keep wrapping around me. Around 5/6pm everything seemed to change. I felt the pressure increase but still nothing that hurt. I felt this wave that brought me to my knees, and when it happened I felt amazing, just like an orgasm, it completely consumed me, I just went into a mental bubble.

It wasn't anything like a sexual orgasm in that sense but it still felt incredible. Every part of my body just felt this rush of warmth and tingling. My partner just stared at me, his didn't know what to do. For about a minute I was just so absorbed, kind of dizzy with euphoria and not able to speak. About 5 minutes when by and then it happened again, and again getting closer and closer. Around 8pm my instincts kicked in.

Like a bird knows to make a nest, I knew my baby was coming. I should have been scared. But I had no fear. I was just walking on air. The midwives that came had no experience with the kind of labour I was having. I refused internal checks. I told them I had a while to go but I was fine. They just sat and left me to it. When they got less than a minute apart around 11pm I was just wrapped in a happy bubble.

My partner insists I told him I didn't want it to end and asked for it to slow down. I felt the change when my son came, no pain I just felt the pressure increase and when it did the feeling got stronger and stronger as if to counteract it. My son was born perfectly. The midwives were sat having a coffee, they thought I would begin screaming or something. I was knelt on the floor and moved my own arms to catch my baby. That's when they leapt up. I left the cord uncut and breastfed, exhausted and so in love.

When the placenta came I breastfed kneeling up and the same feeling crept up and put it came. It was like my body took over, fueled me with oxytocin and just said "relax I've got this" it was like my body, did its thing without my mind freaking out. I felt so strong and empowered. Most amazing experience of my life.

Other parents shared their experiences in this hypnobirthing group.

How Common is the Birthgasm

Midwife Ina May Gaskin did an informal survey with parents enquiring about their experiences of orgasm during labor and about 30 people reported that it happened to them (out of about 150).

So even though it's not talked about it’s probably more common than you might think - it's just seen as such a taboo topic. Sexuality in childbirth is rarely discussed even though for most healthy well people it’s the same hormones and intimate environment that got baby in - helps get baby out.

The conditions for it to happen are so important which is why it's more common in homebirths or birth centers...privacy and feeling unobserved is key and can be hard to come by in a busy hospital with lots of strangers. It's a simple way of modulating pain as the brain can't experience pain and pleasure at the same time.

However in Dr Harel’s fascinating qualitative research on sexuality in childbirth about 1/2 of the women interviewed had hospital births and experienced orgasms in labor (and some had more than one). You might assume that these were all people who grew up with liberal parents and no Catholic shame about sexuality…but that wasn’t the case for several of the research participants. Dr Harel’s work recognizes the ‘out of the blue’ unexpected ‘birthgasm’ and more intentional experiences described as ‘Passionate birth’. (Dr Harel coined the terms ‘birthgasm’ and ‘passionate birth’).

How Getting Turned On - Turns Off Pain

As a self confessed pain science nerd sexual stimulation ticks all the boxes when it comes to changing pain with the brain in labor - if you feel comfortable with it this could be an effective tool in your birth toolkit.

I really hope the classes you’ve taken at least mentioned the possibility and in a way that was empowering and not embarrassing.

Orgasm can happen in a couple of different ways in labor - pressure from baby’s head as it descends through the birth canal can stimulate pelvic nerves which have a pain-relieving effect. In research self-stimulation of the clitoris and the anterior wall of the vagina also an analgesic effect. Research suggests that pain thresholds increased by more than 50% when the anterior wall of the vagina was stimulated; and if that vaginal stimulation was focused more on pleasure than analgesic 'function' pain thresholds increased by over 75%, and by over 100% in women who experienced orgasms during the process. Your brain can’t process pain and pleasure at the same time so why not use this natural analgesic to your benefit.

In more recent research mindfulness has been shown to heighten those intimate feelings while also reducing pain.

Alex expressed her feelings towards her daughter Amanda’s birth.

Power, satisfaction, and Oh my God I might cry… knowing that that is the way it is supposed to be. It was very sensual. I mean if I had to give one descriptive word it would be DELICIOUS. *

Setting the Scene for a Birthgasm

The same environment most people need for orgasm is the same for a birthgasm. Think romance, intimacy, sensual foods, dim lighting and most important - feeling safe. A lot of people experience these orgasms out of the blue…they didn’t plan or prepare to experience one (orgasms can be elusive if you over think it).

But for most people expecting a stranger to walk in the door any minute is not usually conducive to an orgasm but that’s the reality of hospital birth for many. In hospital get into the shower for privacy and enjoy the warm water…and anything else that you find helpful in there.

Hospital Birth

During my labor I felt that it was probably during the pushing stage when it happened, it almost felt orgasmic, I mean, I literally felt that I was right on the verge of having an orgasm. And it was “Wow – Oh my gosh, nobody ever told me” and “holy smokes that is so cool.” It was absolutely incredible. To push this kid out … he is my biggest; he was 8 pounds 10 ounces. It was just the most fascinating, intense experience of my life. *

For me the pain was in the perineum stretching, the rest was hard work, and as long as I stayed relaxed…I was on the birthing stool, and the midwife talked me through with visualization, she kept me relaxed, as long as I stayed floating on top of the wave it didn’t hurt. *

I had been moaning deeply during the pushing and when I felt him rush out, I had an orgasm. *

Expect the Unexpected - in a Good Way

The GentleBirth approach is about preparing for a positive birth (as you define it) by having a flexible attitude to whatever comes your way on the day (control the controllables is our fav mantra). But often when we we think about something unexpected coming up the first image that tends to come to mind of most parents is an unexpected cesarean or some other emergency. That’s just the brain’s negativity bias kicking in.

Why not entertain a novel idea at the other end of the spectrum - an unexpected orgasm? Doesn’t that feel very different when you think about your upcoming birth?

Ponder that today…and the next time someone tells you to keep an open mind about birth think about what that could potentially mean…and maybe it’s time we expand our focus on positive birth to include passionate birth too.

“Hell, yeah! I mean it was pleasurably surprising; it was a nice surprise. I was sort of confused, “Wait a minute, what is going on here, I’ll take it but I don’t get it.”*

Exercise

Getting out of your head and into your body regularly during pregnancy can be a great way to appreciate this incredible miracle you are a part of and give you the opportunity to connect with all of the sensations available to you. So many people live from the neck up and haven’t visited their body in a meaningful way in a long time so start visiting regularly.

Try the Extended Body Scan in the GentleBirth App tonight and when you get to the pelvic area or any area of the body that usually gets your juices flowing be curious about what you notice there. Breathe deeply into those parts of your body and enjoy those moments of connection with your pregnant body. You mind may throw up all kinds of uncomfortable feelings and thoughts about shame - if it feels comfortable for you simply notice the thoughts but don’t engage with them…say to yourself silently ‘thinking, thinking, thinking’. This mental ‘noting’ helps to soothe the stress response that is trying to get amped up with you connecting with these parts of your body during pregnancy. If at any point during your mindfulness practices feelings become overwhelming stop the exercise. You may find it helpful to talk to your careprovider or counsellor.

Thank you to the women who shared these intimate experiences and to Dr Harel for her wonderful research helping to illuminate this exciting topic that we need to talk about a LOT more.

* Accounts from people in Harel (2007).

Harel, D. (2007). Sexual experiences of women during childbirth (unpublished doctoral dissertation). The Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, San Francisco, CA.

Mayberry L, Daniel J. 'Birthgasm': A Literary Review of Orgasm as an Alternative Mode of Pain Relief in Childbirth. J Holist Nurs. 2016 Dec;34(4):331-342.

Check out Debra Pascali’s documentary Orgasmic Birth too!