When the midwife spoke to me about the option to give birth at the birthing centre, something about this option really called to me. Our visits with the midwife were spaced out then to once a month, and I really spent that entire month reading, researching, and challenging the fears I had about laboring and delivering unmedicated. I realized in that time how far away I, and the society we live in, had been from the natural experience of birth and labor. How had something so instinctual, so natural, something women have been doing since the dawn of time, become something we so feared?

Having had the experience of giving birth in a hospital with my first child, I knew I wanted a different experience the second time around, but I didn’t really know what this could look like. Also, I was afraid. All you ever hear about labor is how painful it is. Or the complications that can arise. So, a lot of the reading and researching I did, brought these issues to light. It normalized the fears I had but also challenged them. I read a lot of positive birth stories, watched videos of women laboring without the epidural. And in doing so, a sense of wonder, excitement, and empowerment grew. I knew I wanted to try to give birth unmedicated at the birthing centre. I let the midwife know at our next visit and then my work really began! I knew that if I wanted the best chance at laboring naturally, I had to believe I could, and I had to learn how to manage the fear of the “pain” and strong sensations that would come with it.

This meant challenging self-doubt and being confident in myself; something I had always struggled with. When I was about 7 months pregnant, I came across a video of a woman who had given birth without the epidural, and she mentioned how she’d used the GentleBirth app. Afterwards, I found it in the app store and decided to explore it for myself. It wasn’t long before I was hooked. The information it provided, along with the GentleBirth book, was fascinating to me and only fueled my wanting to try to have a birth without medication.

Every day, I would open the app to see what was in store for me and I found it so encouraging and rewarding to keep up with the mindfulness practices, breathing exercises, affirmations, and hypnobirthing.

Especially when I started to notice my overall stress levels reduce, and I felt calm and confident (something I rarely felt). This app was my guide, my reassurance, my confidence!

On Halloween day, I was exactly 41 weeks pregnant, and I started the morning with a stretch and sweep from my midwife. Of course, we discussed the possibility of inducing labor as baby had yet to make her grand debut. Even though I knew I didn’t want to go the inducing route, I knew enough about birth to know it could be unpredictable. And luckily for me, I felt the app well prepared me for whatever scenario could arise, which alleviate some of the worry I felt about not having the birth I hoped. That being said, I remember telling myself (and baby) that today was the day. By early afternoon, I remember feeling crampy and deciding to lay down while my toddler napped. Feeling uncomfortable, I tried the bathtub and felt some relief from the cramps, so I imagined it was just Braxton Hicks’ contractions. When I got out of the tub, however, the cramps came back stronger, and having my mom arrive in preparation of Trick or Treating later that night, I went in my room to relax and open the GentleBirth Contraction Timer just in case.

My surges started coming every 5 minutes from 4pm to 4:30pm, after which they started coming every 2-3 minutes. I took a Gravol like the midwife recommended and tried to eat dates and nuts to give me energy. When my husband arrived from work, I told him to give the midwife a call. She recommended I try getting into the bathtub again just to see if the surges would stop like they did the first time. Only this time while I lay in the tub, the surges became stronger, and I decided to switch from timing my contractions to simply listening to the “deep within” soundtrack on the app. This song was on repeat until the very end! Something about having my headphones on and this background music helped me keep focus and stay calm. When we got into the car, I remember feeling excited! I was managing the surges and I felt so proud. While I had been listening to Tracy’s voice on the contraction timer, I remember feeling so reassured and calmed by her words. I felt ready. When we got close to the birthing centre, my husband had trouble finding the address and had to call the midwife. This is usually something that would’ve triggered my stress and had me worrying I would have the baby in the car! Only, I kept focused and calm and told him to call the midwife to guide us, which she did. Once we arrived, my midwife greeted us, and I remember smiling at her and pausing on the way in for another surge.

I had my eyes half closed and my headphones on so at one point I started walking a little crooked, even though my husband was holding my arm, and when I opened my eyes and noticed I was even able to laugh at myself.

I was 7 centimetres when I arrived at the birthing centre, and I remember feeling so relieved that this was the real thing! That it wasn’t a false alarm, baby was coming! I was so excited and happy. When I saw the room, with the huge bath prepared for me, I asked my husband to take out the LED candles we had brought and set them around the tub. I tried the birth swing for a few minutes but quickly decided I wanted the warmth and comfort of the tub to continue my surges. Throughout my surges, I used the breathing techniques I had practiced, taking one long inhale through the nose, and while breathing out I naturally would let out a sort of “aww” noise which really helped! At one point, I thought I felt a gush of something come out in the tub and told my midwife I think my water had broken. She told me we would find out soon enough by the intensity of my surges. They did get more intense, and a few times I remember losing my calm and my husband would tell me “You can do this, take back control”, and that really helped me focus again. I repeated to myself “breathing in I feel strong, breathing out I let go” and that helped me too. Shortly thereafter, my midwife noticed I sort of groaned while exhaling, and she asked me if I felt like I wanted to push. I said no, not prepared for that yet, but in truth my body was ready even if my mind wasn’t. I think the fetal ejection reflex kicked in, because one minute I was breathing through my surges and the next I felt baby move down and there was no time for my midwife to call her colleague to help, baby was coming! Her head came through and though most of the positive birth stories I had read about the pushing stage of labor described woman feeling “good” about finally being able to push, that there was some “relief” to that, for me the feeling of having baby “right there”, and the pressure I felt was so intense, it freaked me out. I lost focus for a bit and struggled to get my bearings again and use the surges to push. Every time I tried to plant my feet in the tub in a sort of squatting position to help me push, my midwife kept telling me to bring my bottom down because the water had somehow gone down and baby’s head needed to remain in the water at all times if I were to deliver her in the water. When the midwife realized that the rest of baby’s body was not coming through, she asked me to get out of the tub and placed a mat on the floor. We had prepared for the possibility of shoulder dystocia during one of our appointments together, and so I started to go on my hands and knees, but she quickly told me to lay on my back and push. Baby had one shoulder stuck behind my pelvic bone. I remember lots of thoughts going through my head at that moment, and fear and worry definitely took hold, but I realized that no one could do this but me, I had to bear down and do everything I could to get baby out as time was ticking. It was intense and so were the sensations. I reached down deep within myself then, and was able to get control of my thoughts and body enough to push her out in one single push. Baby girl was here!

She needed one breath of oxygen but that was it, she was in my arms, so plump and perfect. She was later weighed at 9.11 pounds and we were all surprised as we weren’t expecting such a big baby! We walked over to the bed, and I lay down with baby Isla on my chest for skin-to-skin, something I hadn’t been able to do with my first born because he’d needed to have his lungs aspirated. My husband and I felt joy and excitement like nothing else in the world. Isla found my breast and latched on, and it was so beautiful and amazing to see! She stayed that way for over an hour until it was time to have her weighed and dressed, and for

me to shower before heading home. I can honestly say that without the Gentlebirth app, I’m not sure I would’ve felt as confident or as self-assured. Even after Isla was born, I wanted to continue the mindfulness and meditation practices because I loved how it made me feel more myself and able to conquer whatever life stressors would come my way. Isla is now 11 months old, and I still use the app under the “Wellness” tab. I’m so grateful for everything I learned and was able to achieve through this experience. My pregnancy journey with the app, and Isla’s birth is an experience I will cherish forever.