Self care is trending - It’s everywhere (at least the concept is). I don’t know if it’s just me but I’m a bit tired of all the advice to have a spa day or indulge myself in a bubble bath and a glass of wine. If you google self care for mothers the top 10 recommendations are usually (get a massage, yoga, meditate, manicure). Self care is about intentionally choosing a mindset that nurtures and nourishes your body, mind and soul DAILY. Self care isn’t an event that you schedule for yourself every few weeks (maybe months…). It’s a kinder approach to your life. It’s an attitude that says “hey I matter, my needs matter, my health matters…”

In this context, the idea of self care is a seen almost as an act of rebellion, because it goes against generations of cultural training that our first responsibility is the emotional and practical care of others, and that it’s not really acceptable to take time for yourself.  As mothers we are supposed to be superhuman, and give 110% everyday no matter what.

Treat Yo’ Self

Sounds counter intuitive but the kind of treat matters. When I gave a talk about Compassion at the MaMa conference in Scotland a few years ago one of my slides included an image of a ‘munchie box’. This, I was told was the ultimate treat for some of the midwives when they’d had a crappy day at work. It was basically a box of every kind of fried food you can imagine and when you’ve had a really awful day you justify it to yourself - “I deserve this”.

Watching a full season of Working Moms and finishing a munchie box is distraction and not self care (but a good belly laugh definitely helps). You definitely won’t feel better after that munchie box…it’s quite likely that you’ll feel worse. Same as that big glass of wine that you’ve been saving until the kids go to bed. I’m not saying that every so often a complete veg out on the couch with a glass of vino isn’t perfectly fine but if it’s a regular occurrence that helps you ‘numb’ how you’re feeling then maybe it’s worth exploring a bit more. Why not treat yourself to coffee with a friend you haven’t seen in forever? Or an undisturbed 30 minutes in the garden this evening reading a few pages of that new book you’ve been dying to dip into while your partner puts the kids to bed.

Notice Your Inner Critic

We all have an inner critic that hijacks any moment of happiness we have and piles on the guilt when we make a mistake. Try to notice that voice today and rather than getting into an argument with it ‘invite it for tea’. Your mind is not your enemy but it has picked up some habits that can be annoying - but the intention is good. Most of us have left that inner voice go unchecked or ignoring it or by arguing with it. The next time when your inner critic makes an appearance try a friendly approach “Ah my evil twin is back…and how can I help you today”. Learning how to accept every part of you - the good and the not so good is a big part of self care and accepting you and your amazing self in it’s entirety. Have an open door policy for all of your emotions not just the ones you’ve been conditioned to accept.

Make Everyday Rituals Matter

So a tropical beach vacation isn’t in the budget - let’s start with the basics. There are things you can do every day that can be part of a daily self care practice to reduce stress and the daily wear and tear of living.

• Exercise - it’ll boost your feel good brain chemicals too.

• Whenever possible choose healthy foods and drink water and eat mindfully.

• Get to bed at a reasonable time (make your bedroom a phone free sanctuary).

• Boundaries - start saying no especially if you’re used to putting everyone else’s needs first (this takes practice if you’ve been a people pleaser all of your life).

• Carve out ‘me time’ and schedule it on your calendar just like you would your parent teacher meeting or dental appointment. Make some time to read, listen to music (have that bubble bath!)

If you won’t do this for yourself then do it for the ones you love.

When your tank is empty – you suffer - your family suffers. 

Self care is on you.  Don’t keep choosing to run on an empty tank.  I’m not talking about massive changes.  Even a small change makes a difference.  Start small and build on it.  You have to make it a priority even when that voice in your head says self care is lazy or indulgent or keeps reminding you of all the things you SHOULD be doing.  Even when that voice says you’re not worthy.

Allow me to remind you - you are worthy, your needs matter, YOU matter.

How do you nurture and nourish yourself regularly? If you don’t - can you start today?