Decision Making in Labor from a Core of Calm - or Chaos?
It’s what every childbirth educator wishes for our clients.
The calmness and intention to make decisions that feel right for them.
The courage to ask for what they want.
The strength to follow through with those decisions – mentally and physically.
The self compassion to recognize that they are making the best decisions they can for themselves and their baby with the information they have.
Maybe you’re reading this as a mom who was faced with a challenging decision in labor and remember the feeling of ‘everything going out the window ‘ when things got stressful. Maybe you’re an educator craving insights into how we can prepare the families we work with to stay aligned with their decisions even when the proverbial sh*t hits the fan. Understanding what the brain is doing can help.
What Happens During a Stressful Event (when you have an important decision to make)
The stress response immediately hijacks the part of the brain associated with decision making (it’s faster than the ‘thinking brain’ because it’s a predictive, protective mechanism).
Executive functioning (the ability to rationalize and make informed decisions is now offline).
Decisions are now being made from the stressed emotional system of the brain and here’s a nugget to remember – the emotional (limbic brain) is very trigger happy, it overestimates danger and often get’s it wrong. The brain evolved for survival not happiness and right now your brain is acting like you’re being chased by a bear.
How can we help parents and (ourselves) hack our brains to make better decisions?
Take a few deep breaths and get out of your head and into your body. When all we’re focused on is mental chatter above the neck and parroting the B.R.A.I.N framework we often miss the wisdom coming from our body. Psychotherapist Esther Perel notes “The body often contains emotional truths that words can too easily gloss over.”
We need both sources of wisdom – mind and body but when we’re stressed anxiety runs the show…and most of us don’t make good decision when we’re stressed. Remember this when you tell a mom to “listen to your body” - help her get into her body so she can hear the messages her body is giving her about the unfolding events.
The practice of mindfulness helps parents to tune into what’s happening in the body with curiosity. That curious attitude then slows the signals from the overreacting emotional brain giving your decision making brain a second to catch up with the latest information. Mindfulness strengthens the neural connections from the executive functioning part of the brain so it’s a two way street – not just triggered by the fear center. It’s called ‘top down’ control.
This is the I in the BRAIN framework that we bang on about in every class. “What is your ‘intuition’ telling you…..what’s your gut feeling telling you?” If a parent is tuned into only the emotional (gut feeling) without access to the decision making part of the brain then that decision is unlikely to be one that is aligned with their goals for their birth experience. We need both for optimal decision making.
Exercise:
Start with a small decision that’s not totally stressing you out but is causing you a little discomfort so we can start training this muscle of expanded attention.
Take a couple of breaths and settle yourself for a moment or two. Take your attention into your body and scan down through it as you think about each option for a few moments…. how does each option feel in your body? Does it bring a feeling of tension or ease?
Bring your full attention to your mental events, your body sensations, and your emotional responses as you consider that decision. Welcome all of your emotions, don’t push anything away - simply notice your body’s response.
Use this as an exercise for different decisions you make throughout your day so you know what that inner connection feels like to you so if something does come out of left field in labor (and it’s not an emergency) you can take a moment or two to connect with your full mind and body. That way you and your partner can make the best decision for you and your baby from a core of calm – not chaos.