Birth Trauma to Birth Triumph - A Holles Street Birth Story
Shared by a GentleBirth family (January 2020)
“I want to share our baby's birth story and to highlight how incredibly invaluable GentleBirth (and being so informed) was to us and our experience. We would have loved to do a home birth with our first baby but as it just wasn't possible for us this time around we went with the community midwives in Holles Street, feeling that their natural, active hands off approach would work well for us and what we wanted for our birth experience.
I knew their reputation was for trying to run a conveyor belt system but mistakenly thought I was in better hands with the community midwives. … I want others to be aware. You really absolutely have to be incredibly informed going in there to avoid interventions.
I had always believed birth to be a completely natural process, the only thing I feared was being in hospital and being subjected to various interventions and policies.
I began practicing with the app very early on in the pregnancy and we did a GentleBirth course in October with Lara Dunlea which we both found absolutely amazing. Lara was incredible and gave us so much information and resources. My partner in particular found the course so informative and was feeling strong and ready to support me and bring our baby in to the world calmly, gently and naturally.
We also decided that my sister would come along with us as extra support. We had to clear this with Holles St and after this was done we were all excitedly awaiting our baby's arrival and preparing using gentlebirth and making sure we were as ready and informed as we could be.
A test came back that I was GBS positive and the midwives explained that this would mean antibiotics in labour. I asked about being tested again closer to EDD but it was policy to take it as positive. I felt a bit deflated and worried about the thought of being on a drip during labor and movement being restricted, as well as the affect antibiotics would have on the baby. I began researching the topic of GBS extensively, reading Sara Wickham's book and every possible resource I could find. I began to feel better and less worried about the GBS and decided I would still labour at home as long as possible if waters didn't go immediately and would take the prophylactic antibiotics in labour if there was time. I had a few appointments with midwives where I discussed birth preferences and started to feel unsure about whether or not I would actually have their full support. Then I had my last appointment and had the most amazing midwife who completely restored my faith in them, we went through birth preferences and she said they were all very standard and what they would encourage e.g. wanting to be left to labour with minimal disturbance, birth upright, follow my own urge to push etc. I was so grateful to this midwife and once again felt so ready and excited for our birth.
Fast forward to the birth - I has a feeling something might be near as I felt very emotional and just different all day! I had my hair done & did my pregnancy yoga with Lara, went home to bed and at 11pm got up to use the bathroom and my waters broke. I excitedly told my partner and we rang the midwives who advised us to come in. I imagined we would go in and get antibiotics and maybe come home again if things hadn't kicked off. I rang my sister who started making her way up from Cork!
We got in to Holles St and were brought straight up to delivery room 9 and the midwife told us to get settled in and set up our things around the room which included a diffuser and various familiar things from home.
As we were settling in light contractions started. The midwife told me she was going to put a trace on the baby and I informed her I had already declined this in birth preferences and asked for intermittent monitoring. She said this was fine and would be back to do checks. She came back to us about half an hour later and informed us that their policy had recently changed surrounding GBS and because I was taken as GBS positive I wouldn't just be given antibiotics but would be induced straight away.
I informed her that I was happy to take antibiotics but as contractions had started and were getting stronger I didn't want to be induced straight away and wanted to labour naturally. She said she would have to clear this with a doctor, did the checks on me and baby which were all perfect and went to get a doctor. My partner and I discussed this and remained happy with our decision to labour naturally. We relaxed and listened to music and waited. A junior doctor came in who asked was I aware of the risks surrounding GBS to which I said I was and again was happy to labour naturally, to which she said she would agree to if I agreed to a trace first. I told her I had declined this already and our baby's heartbeat was perfect on the doppler and that I was reluctant to have one because of the false positive distress rates etc and she said she would have to check this with her manager.
We had to wait on another doctor who then came and had the same discussion with us, asking if we were aware of the risks to our baby to which I responded that we were aware of all the policies and potential risks surrounding GBS, we were well informed, and happy to labour naturally. He asked at what time we would then agree to induction. I said I couldn't answer that as I was wanting labour to progress naturally and may not need an induction. He eventually agreed after a lengthy discussion and it was decided we would be sent up to the pre-labour ward.
There were no beds available yet so we were left in room 9 for about an hour, during which I stuck on my headphones and listened to the labour companion and was delighted to feel contractions getting stronger. We were then moved up to unit 3, where we put our things in and began walking up and down the stairs, squatting and lunging through contractions.
My sister arrived and we kept this up for the following hour, with contractions then at 3 minutes apart lasting about a minute. We kept this up and were super positive and excited and having fun. We returned to the ward every so often to get water, use the bathroom etc. Debbie came to visit us in the early hours of Thursday morning to advise us the shift was changing and she would bring the midwife on duty to meet us, she said I was doing brilliantly with the contractions and to also rest while I could. I had my second round of antibiotics and bounced on the birthing ball while they were being administered.
A few hours later the next community midwife on duty came to meet us, introduced herself and advised that we should take the induction straight away. I again declined and said I wanted to continue to labour myself. She returned again nearly hourly to try to push the induction and I was starting to feel the pressure and stress of not being listened to, but did everything I could to stay in the zone and stay positive, knowing me and baby were both doing really well.
The GentleBirth affirmations were brilliant throughout this time. I continued walking and moving and returned to the bed only for antibiotics during which I used the birth ball. The midwife returned at one stage while I was there and asked again when we would agree to induction. I was really starting to feel stressed at this point and noticed contractions slowing so asked for an internal so I could see where progress was at, I hadn't had one yet and had been in for over 8 hours. She did the internal and said she would come back to discuss with us. When she came back 10 minutes later she said I wasn't in labour and that this baby probably wouldn't come without the induction. At this stage contractions had stopped so I decided to rest for a while.
I managed to get some sleep and woke about 20 minutes later to strong contractions, nurse came in to administer antibiotics and said it wasn't a good sign that I was able to sleep. I then got a visit from the consultant on duty early Thursday morning who wanted to know if I was ready for induction yet and informed me that if I was to take the induction now rather than wait until later and probably need it anyway, it was less likely to end in an emergency section. I explained to her that I was getting quite stressed being pressured about the induction, both mine and the baby's vitals were perfect all along, I had had 3 rounds of antibiotics at this stage, we had made our decision about the induction and we really shouldn't have to keep fighting about it. She asked for a time at which we would agree to induction to which I replied I wasn't sure and that if I changed my mind about the induction I would let them know. She informed me again about their policies and the risks to which I replied that we had had that conversation multiple times and I was aware of them all. My partner and sister remained an amazing support and talked through everything with me and the doctors/midwives. The consultant said that she would give me until about 4pm on Thursday then I really needed to make a decision.
I was beginning to feel that it was all getting out of control so I went outside for a walk and called Lara our GentleBirth instructor and chatted through what had happened so far.
I felt so much better with the chat and bit of support and got back to walking and squatting and lunging etc, taking a break to go in the shower when contractions started ramping up. My partner remained at the bed for a rest during this and was visited several times by the midwife and consultant trying to convince him that we needed to take the induction.
After a shower I returned to the bed and had another visit from the community midwife who sat down and talked at length about the induction and during this said that they were busy and didn't have enough beds and had women waiting and needed to move things along. I was so shocked that this was being brought in to reasoning for the induction, and told her that that should have absolutely nothing to do with my baby's birth and as me and my baby were well, had received antibiotics and we had declined induction, it really shouldn't still be being mentioned and it was really upsetting me and impacting my labour. I spent the next few hours desperately trying to move things along but feeling upset and stressed that what we wanted and felt was best for us was being completely ignored. I worried then that being so stressed, things weren't going to progress. I was still getting contractions which would remain regular for some time, ease off, then pick up again. I did everything I could to stay relaxed and positive, kept my tracks on, kept moving.
We went walking outside to get some fresh air, chatted, then went back to the ward to use the shower again. We had a visit from the consultant on duty while there (who brought a midwife with her) who said she needed to speak to me, and that considering I wasn't following policy she needed to outline some things to me so I could take responsibility for them. My husband got increasingly fed up with them especially when the consultant came in with a sheet of paper with the words intrauterine DEATH in capitals underlined on a piece of paper among other points to read out for me to 'take responsibility for'. My partner immediately interrupted her and said he could read what she had written and underlined on her sheet of paper and said she could have the conversation with him that he didn't want her mentioning those things to me when I had already been stressed out enough. The consultant sharply cut him off and said I was the patient and she was dealing with me, and proceeded to say that I needed to be aware and accept that because I was declining induction there was a strong chance of intrauterine death, brain damage or maternal death.
I just got so upset at this stage and told her I had had enough and was going back out to walk and get some space. She angrily told me that if I didn't want to listen to what she had to say I could just leave. I calmly said that I had listened to her and the midwives multiple times already but that I was well, my baby was well, I had had 4 rounds of antibiotics by now, and ultimately we were making an informed decision we felt was best for our family. I explained that I had been making great progress and had they not stressed and upset me I may have been able to progress much further by now.
I left with my sister and my partner stayed to speak to the consultant. We went walking and I just cried and cried and wondered if I should take the induction as I was beginning to feel so drained and worn down, and now worrying about my baby, even though they had been doing great. I rang Lara who remained a fantastic support on the other end of the phone throughout. The fact that I had so much support around me was the only thing that kept me going at this stage.
We walked for a long time and I tried to get my head straight and decide what to do. I chatted it out with my sister and decided that I would go and rest for a while, and if things hadn't progressed in another couple of hours I would take the oxytocin induction.
We returned to the ward to talk to my partner who explained that the consultant said that that was the end of the talk of induction and we were going to be left completely alone now she just needed it recorded that I accepted responsibility for those risks, and that I may as well go home as I wasn't compliant with their policies.
At this point another community midwife came to visit as they had had a shift change, (the one I had had negative interactions with in antenatal appointments) and she asked if we were ready for the induction and when I said no, she asked why it was I wouldn't agree to it as I was GBS positive and I said that actually it was just taken that I was given the screening test was so long ago I may not even be carrying it now, and she rolled her eyes at me and told me sharply to come on and get with the program. At this stage I just really felt like I couldn't handle any more of it and walked back out. My partner explained to her that we had been told we wouldn't be badgered about induction anymore and explained what had just been said by the consultant, and she apologised and said she didn't know. She then said that they have policies and we should be following them.
I walked around a little longer and after about an hour went back to the pre labour ward and chatted it out with my partner, deciding that at this stage I was so exhausted and drained and upset that the induction was starting to look like the best option for us. I spoke to a student midwife on the ward and told her this who was absolutely lovely, reassuring me that they had all been rooting for me and because I had worked so so hard all day and night, I would probably only need a drop of oxytocin for things to get moving again. She gave a call to the community midwives who said all the delivery rooms were full and it would probably be 5 hours or so before I could get in. I was so deflated at this stage so lay down to rest and wait to head over. We were woken about 3 hours later and told we could go over to delivery but that it would be a different midwife as the community midwives were busy. I agreed, actually quite happily as my experience so far with the midwives had been miserable.
I ate and drank a sugary drink to get my energy up. We headed over to room 10 (now 12:30am Friday morning) and met the midwife who would be looking after us, a recently qualified midwife who could not have been nicer or more amazing. She said she had read my notes and was now going to look after us, do everything in her power to have everything go exactly as we wanted it, she would keep me and my baby safe, we could trust her and that if anything came up that needed to deviate from our plan she would discuss it with me and my partner and we could make a decision together. The labour ward manager was also looking after us. It was the very first time I had felt respected, and my wishes valued, in any way and instantly felt a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. We got settled in to the room and contractions started to pick up again.
A trace was placed on baby but they were then picking up a fast heart rate and before I knew it doctors were talking about doing a foetal blood sample if I was dilated enough and if not, a section. I explained I had just drank a sugary drink and eaten so the doctor said she would give it a few minutes, after which it returned to normal and it was agreed oxytocin could be given.
An internal was done by one of the midwives and I was told the cervix had moved forward and thinned but not dilated.
Syntocinon was started at 2am, I stuck on my headphones with the Labour Companion on and my partner and sister supported me through the contractions, which got very intense very quickly. I began to feel an immense amount of pressure in my abdomen and told our midwife I needed something for it. I was being offered pain relief and the epidural by the ward manager which was the only thing that I was not happy about under their care as I had stated I didn't want it and would ask if I needed it. I asked for a heat pack instead which helped somewhat, and remained upright squatting down with contractions. I struggled to stay with my breathing when things got very intense but tried my best to keep listening to the Labour Companion in the background! I needed to keep moving which was hard with being attached to a trace and a drip but I changed positions as much as I could within the limitations. At this point the community midwife came to check on me and brought gas and air, which I had refused up until this point thinking I had a long while to go yet and would need to save it for later! I used the gas and air through the next few surges.
Before long I felt the urge to bear down and push so I did so with contractions, squatting at the side of the bed, without letting anyone know as I was afraid they would say I wasn't ready! I could feel the baby's head move down with each surge.
The midwife told me to get up on the bed so she could check me, then said she could see the baby's head and I could start to push. I pushed on my back for a few pushes which I hadn't wanted to do but was also getting exhausted at this point. I wasn't "allowed" to birth my baby upright at the side of the bed where I had already started pushing and we were making great progress together.. I was coerced in to getting on to the bed by saying she needed to check me and when I resisted was told "the floor is no place for a baby" and ended up on the bed being told baby had to come now or else forceps etc so purple pushing on my back which I had specifically requested none of in birth preferences. This was the labour ward manager for start of delivery we had a round midwife who was amazing and tried so hard to respect my wishes.. but in the end was overruled
An episiotomy was mentioned at which stage I asked to change position first, and moved to all fours and squatting over the back of the bed for several pushes. The midwife said I was actually pushing more effectively on my back and asked me to move again.. I tried side lying for a while which worked and then the midwife said she was going to have to do a very small episiotomy to help get baby out and avoid an assisted delivery as baby and I were both exhausted, so I agreed, knowing it was best for us at this stage. I was trying to sleep in between pushes! Two slow pushes later and baby's head was out. Before I knew it she was there, we had a little girl!
Our beautiful daughter was born at 5:20am on Friday morning. She was a little stunned and needed a little help with suction but quickly let out a cry and then she was back with us. She was so alert. We got to feed straight away for an hour and had a natural 3rd stage. She had skin to skin with her dad while I had one stitch for the small cut and one small internal graze.
It felt like it had all happened so fast - the drip went in at 2am, fully dilated at 4:30am and she was here with us at 5:20am. The contractions were incredibly intense but the only time I felt out of control was just before I started pushing down myself, the gas and air helped me get my breathing back on track, and then it passed. The Labour Companion played on repeat in the background.
We ended up having an incredibly positive birth experience with two wonderful midwives and even though there were some deviations from our birth preferences we were completely respected and informed so it could not have been better.
Despite spending so much of the first part of my labour in tears and feeling pressured and stressed, it turned around and we had a positive experience because we met lovely midwives and were respected, and were able to make decisions that were best for us.
Our gorgeous little girl is thriving, feeding perfectly, passed all her checks with flying colours and couldn't be more chilled out at home now.
Our experience with Holles St was not what we had hoped for, but we are so eternally grateful that thanks to GentleBirth we were so informed, and able to turn it around and still bring our baby in to the world calmly and gently despite everything we had to deal with at the beginning”
For more information on GBS (Group B Strep) and potential implications click here for evidence based resources.