The Roommates in Your Head
In GentleBirth we talk quite a bit about controlling the controllables - which basically means don’t waste your energy trying to change things that aren’t changeable. In many circumstances the only thing we can change is the way we think about what’s happening and not the events themselves.
For example, your blood pressure has started to creep up and you’re 2 weeks from your due date. Can you control it and the changes to your plans for birth? If it’s white coat syndrome yes - but if it’s a pregnancy complication then most likely not without medication and induction may be a very reasonable recommendation. Can you spend hours stressing over the possibility of being induced - you bet you can! Will that contribute to you enjoying the last few days of your pregnancy or have you already thrown in the towel and let your mind run amok with all kinds of traumatic scenarios? It’s time time to reign the meddling mind in a little. You get to decide today if this big bump in the road means the end of your plans for a positive birth or if it’s a bump in the road that will increase your GentleBirth practice so no matter how your baby arrives you can get to a place of feeling (more) ok with the change of circumstances.
Imagine you are sharing an apartment with a group of people - your lease is for 2 years so you’re kinda stuck. You have a few roommates that are really negative nellies, they’re always looking for a reason to complain. From the outside these roommates seem to have their sh&t together and little to complain about but they always seem to find fault with the world. They make snarky comments about your blood pressure, your plans for a positive birth, maybe your weight,even your haircut…nothing makes them happy.
But there’s also a really easy going, cool roommate that has a hard time getting a word in edgeways. There’s a different energy when she’s around and you get to spend some time with her but more often than not the other roomies shout her down. She sees the world differently and is always telling you how incredible you are (you don’t always believe her but it feels nice to hear those words). You never feel judged in her company, she accepts you fully and completely and is always kind to you.
If this were real life you’d avoid hanging with the negative nellies but these roomies live in your head so what can you do? You can’t evict them and you can’t leave but you can decide to spend more time with that roommate that makes you feel so good about yourself, the roommate that accepts you unconditionally.
We all have those roommates - so how do you create more opportunities to hang with your fav roommate? Try one of these today - or all of them, experiment and see what you like.
Meditate for 5 minutes today - sit and pay attention to your breath and as you notice thoughts come up don’t engage in the drama. Don’t have any expectations, it’s an exercise for you to see how an untamed, untrained monkey mind can be a much bigger cause of stress for you than the blood pressure complication. This is the ‘controllable’ that you can control.
Notice your self talk - (more often than not it’s the mean girls that you’ll hear the loudest). When you notice those words put your hand over your heart and take a deep breath and say to yourself “It’s ok” or whatever makes you feel better. Negative self talk has the same effect on our nervous system as a stranger shouting abuse across the street - imagine that happening several times a day - but we’re just used to it so we don’t really notice it anymore.
Write a list of aspects you like about yourself. If you find this difficult pretend you’re the nice roomie - what would she have to say about you.
Consider other challenges you’ve faced in the past. What helped you? Remembering and reliving past accomplishments gives your nice roomie a LOT more air time in your head.
Hope you find this helpful,
Tracy
Inspired by Venerable Robina Courtin