Hypnobirthing Didn't Work For Me - Hypnobirthing Confessions Part 2
If you’re a hypnobirthing mom and want to stay in your bubble of positivity you might want to take a few deep breaths before reading this. If you have already taken a hypnobirthing class and your instructor told you that if you relax enough or release enough fear your labor will be painfree you may want to read on.
As far as I’m concerned anything that reduces stress and helps you feel confident and less afraid about labor has to be a good thing. But then labor starts and if you start to feel pain when you were told to expect none if you were relaxed enough then we have to have a conversation about what’s happening in some classes. I’ve seen this play out time and time again in labor with doula clients who have taken hypnobirthing classes and are very unpleasantly surprised when they experience the very normal pain of labor.
“I thought it was fail-proof. I never read any stories of moms who used hypnosis but ended up getting epidurals."
The GentleBirth approach is very different - hypnosis is just one of the many tools in our labor toolkit. We don’t shy away from talking about pain in our classes and we encourage parents to keep all options on the table – including medication. Despite what you might hear in other classes there are times when an intervention is actually a very welcomed solution. You never know what you might need on the day and when you’ve gone through all of the tools in your toolkit, all of the physical comfort measures you learned in your GentleBirth class and still feel an epidural would benefit you – get that epidural – without ANY guilt.
“Our hypnobirthing teacher told us that pain in labor wasn’t necessary, if we were relaxed and if we practiced every day and really believed it would work we could experience a pain free birth or just pressure. We saw some freakishly quiet hypno births that were unlike anything we’d ever seen before. I’d read so many amazing birth stories of women in labor and not even noticing it that I figured it was worth a try. I practiced every day. I read the book twice. I did everything they told me to do. My husband and I drank every drop of the hypnobirthing Kool Aid. My 26 hour labor was incredibly painful – so painful I couldn’t speak to ask for an epidural, my husband was panicking and didn’t know what to do. All he could do was was to try and read my hypnobirthing scripts to me while I cried. When I eventually got the epidural I was able to rest but I ended up having an emergency csection as my baby was in distress. I felt conned by hypnobirthing and angry - my teacher left me feeling so much guilt telling me I mustn’t have practiced enough”
It’s important to understand that not all hypnobirthing classes are created equal and not all teachers of the various hypno programs are being completely honest with parents. Some women will definitely experience pain free births or describe their labors as intense instead of painful but it’s a lot less common than it’s portrayed to be. I trained in the Mongan Method and fell in love with the potential of hypnosis as pain management but within a few months of teaching it felt I couldn’t in good conscience continue teaching the program that was leaving parents with very few tools in their labor toolkit if they couldn’t use hypnosis on the day. We were instructed NOT to mention the ‘P’ word (pain). Not talking about pain won’t just make it not exist… Painfree labor is a lovely concept and it’s the icing on the cake if you do have that 3 hour labor and only feel pressure while you breathe your baby down but that’s just not the reality for a lot of women. I wasn’t ‘allowed’ to demonstrate simple comfort measures such as the amazing double hip squeeze or talk about back labor as talking about back labor may make it happen…
Goals
Of course having a healthy mom and baby is the overarching goal for any birth experiences but what does a ‘successful’ birth look like to you? How do you define a ‘successful’ hypnobirth? Take some time to really consider this and how you might feel if your idea of ‘success’ doesn’t match up to the reality of your birth experience especially as it relates to pain management. Not even the most skilled anesthesiologist can guarantee a painfree birth so neither should your hypno educator.
The GentleBirth approach to birth is that a positive birth comes in many forms – with or without medication, a planned cesarean, swinging from the chandeliers, informed or not – but it is ONLY defined by mom.
In labor - you do you!
”I took a Hypnobirthing Mongan method course in 2013 and had a beautiful virtually pain-free birth in under 3 hours, my waters released at 10.30pm and she was born at 01.13am.The labor moved along so fast and for about 15 minutes as I stood beside the bed, surges rolled in one on top of another and I lost focus , I felt fear and a loss of control as I realized my breathing up technique was not working. I wondered if I was doing the Hypnobirthing wrong, I asked for some Gas and Air and took a moment to refocus, it was then that I put my hand down and realised my daughter's head was almost out. The midwife was not even in the room and I was so surprised to be so far along. Almost instantly I was flooded with oxytocin and then just breathed her down. In the days that followed I did feel disappointed about the 15 min period of uncertainty so sought out other techniques to use in my next labor like mindfulness, dancing, hip circles and acupressure for times when a wobble is experienced. I did think that the emphasis was on pain free labour and removing fear prior to birth. So if mom experienced pain then fear was present. But if mom was to experience a back labour as I did with my third then the prescriptive breathing techniques do not work as well and more tools are needed in the toolkit. I took the course because I wanted a pain free so I understood this was a method. It was in the book and I took it to be gospel. There was no comfort measures discussed for back labour just an emphasis on releasing fear. I'm a bit of an extreme example as two other friends took it after and both had epidurals and longer labours”
“I found hypnobirthing almost completely useless in my first labour (24hrs, agonizing back to back labor, failure to progress, ended in forceps) and left me completely unprepared for what was to come and also led to my feeling like a failure afterwards”
“Would I try hypnobirthing again? Definitely, but with a much more healthy dose of realism. I would certainly take the drugs sooner if I was failing to progress, rather than putting myself through so much pain only to have the drugs in the end anyway”
”I went through a private hypnobirthing class with a hypnotherapist. She even made me personalized tapes when the rainbow relaxation didn't seem to be working. I practiced nightly for 4 months. It didn't do a thing. It was an excrutiating labor and the hypnobirthing didn't help at all. I feel like I'm the only one - everyone just raves about it. Now I'm pregnant again (21 weeks) and trying to decide what to do for pain management. Anyone else?”
It didn't work for me either, but I think a lot of it was because it was wrong for me. I did the Hypnobabies home course, practiced faithfully (although I always hated doing the finger-drop technique 5x a day--I usually only got in 3 x), and subscribed to the yahoo group. When my early labor started, I didn't want to get burnt out, and I wanted to experience the early physical sensations, so I waited to start until I felt pain. Then the pain was intense, I couldn't stand listening to the CDs, and I didn't feel like doing it. (I was really bitchy during my active labor). I ended up getting IV pain meds, and wanting an epidural because I was afraid of the pushing. Fortunately, my active labor went too fast to get an epidural and the pushing was nothing to be afraid of--I enjoyed it!
So here’s my advice
If you’re planning on taking a hypnobirthing class be sure to research your class well - ask the educator about their philosophy around pain in labor. Yes some women will experience a very comfortable even painfree birth but it’s the exception rather than the rule.
Take a class that also teaches your partner hands on comfort measures - fill your labor toolkit with lots of options (that’s exactly what you’ll learn in a GentleBirth class).
Learn about the neuroscience of pain - there’s so much more to it than just relaxing. What your brain is doing in labor is just as important as what your body and baby are doing. We can’t eliminate pain so learn how to intentionally change your pain perception.
If you’ve already taken a class suggesting you’ll have a pain free birth add a healthy dose of realism to your expectations of labor pain and remember you are stronger than you think!
Build your labor toolkit (Mindfulness, TENS machine, Winner Flow, doula, double hip squeeze) The more options you have the better.
Have a flexible mindset - don’t hang your happiness on one kind of birth.
Epidurals are not the devil and can turn a potentially traumatic birth into a positive one.
Ditch the guilt or any feelings of failure if you made noise, had an epidural or threw your hypno CDs across the room in labor.
Did you feel you were sold the idea of a pain free birth if you relaxed enough?