Smiling at 10cm
Positive Birth - First Time Parents
(Content warning for colorful language).
Just like everyone else, I read all the birth stories on this sub and loved learning about other peoples’ experiences. My baby is 3 months old as of yesterday and I had a great time looking back at all the pictures and videos since her birth. The fourth trimester is real and while it didn’t seem that crazy when we were in it, looking back on it I’m grateful things have evened out some (and by things I basically mean sleep). She’s stronger, smiling, and it all seems normal now.
My pregnancy was straightforward and uncomplicated. I like being pregnant and generally felt pretty good. I took unisom to help me sleep and magnesium for headaches - both helped! I did fail my first one-hour glucose test but after two weeks of home monitoring, I was told I probably had a mild insulin intolerance and was cleared to stop testing etc. It was a good wake up call, though, because it helped me rethink what I was eating and I felt better as a result.
It’s worth mentioning that I did get effing COVID at 37 weeks pregnant. It was by far more stressful than it was bad - my symptoms were mild and I honestly felt better before I even got my positive test back. My doctors were not fazed (“rest and hydrate!”) and promised I would get care no matter what and that the only difference would likely be that we’d have one dedicated nurse. Fortunately everything was fine by the time I went into labor. Speaking of labor...
Our due date came and went and then, at 40+2, I was sitting on the couch around midnight with my husband (what else do we do). I moved and felt something. I was pretty sure it was my water, it was instantly wet. I remembered from our birth class that to confirm it was your water and not just regular pregnancy discharge or pee you should do the yoga pose polar bear for 20 minutes and then if you get up and more liquid gushes out, it’s your water! So I did that and more liquid came out! Eek! It was tinged a little pink. I called our midwife on duty (the only one we hadn’t met (but we were about to become BFF for life) and left a message. This was around 1 AM. I wasn’t having any contractions so we went to bed and tried to get some sleep.
From 5-6 AM I had a few kind of intense contractions but I got up and ate something and was able to go back to sleep until 9. I talked to our midwife when I woke up, everything was very chill. I was having random contractions but they were not long and very bearable. She said if things didn’t progress by noon we’d do a castor oil milkshake (which I was a little wary of because I’d heard it can basically just make you poop your brains out). It was raining so I just listened to the good vibes labor playlist I made and paced around the house. I also worked on getting everything together to get to the hospital. I talked to my parents on the phone, texted, and just felt nervous and excited. I was still leaking tons of fluid, still pinkish. It was feeling very real but it also felt very early in the process.
By noon nothing had changed so off husband goes to get castor oil, peanut butter, and ice cream as per the midwife’s instructions. I had to eat the milkshake, wait for my stomach to start gurgling or for 20 minutes, whichever came first. Then go on a brisk 10 minute walk, then sit on the toilet and hydrate for 10 minutes. Then walk and sit again. So finished the milkshake around 1 (for the record, it was delicious) and then we started walking around the block after 20 minutes (didn’t want to get too far from home). I felt fine. Saw our neighbor, said “today’s the day!” Sat on the toilet and drank water. I was maybe having some contractions but not really.
Now, the second round (so about 40 minutes after finishing the milkshake) contractions started ramping up. By the end of the walk I was having to pause to get through them. I guess castor oil brings on the contractions hard and fast but eating it with the fat and protein from the ice cream and peanut butter kept me from just pooping. We made it back home and I went to sit on the toilet. I remember things starting to be intense at this point.
Throughout the later weeks of my pregnancy I’d been listening to, and really enjoying, hypnobirthing mediations from the app GentleBirth. I collected a lot of affirmations that really started to come in handy at this point, as well as listening to some of the familiar tracks. Things like:
A power of nature moves through me
I welcome each wave as it brings me closer to meeting my baby
Relax your forehead Relax your jaw Relax your hands
My baby and I are the perfect birth team
My body knows exactly what to do My baby knows exactly what to do
Sitting on the toilet, I listened to a grounding meditation which had me focus on my feet on the ground, connecting me to the earth. This was really impactful because it helped me be present and focused (and not freaking the eff out). I was starting to have to vocalize getting through the contractions. At some point I called to my husband or he appeared in the doorway and I was just hanging on him to get through it. I would try to track them in an app but there didn’t seem to be any pattern. The contractions were pushing out more fluid and around 3 I texted my midwife a picture of what I thought could be the bloody show (I definitely asked “can I text you a picture of this” and she said yes lol). Also good signs of things happening, she said.
I think I was supposed to go on a longer walk and call her at 5 (getting a little fuzzy here) but I could not imagine walking. I was on our bed in the fetal position like, “call her!” thinking it was time to go to the hospital. Our plan all along was to labor at home for as long as possible so I could avoid as much medical intervention as possible and have an unmediated birth. But at this point I was like, fuck it, I need to be at the hospital whatever that means.”Our midwife said, “I don’t know any women who can labor in the fetal position. For your next contraction, get on all fours and I want to hear you.” So I did and it was really intense - I was being verrry vocal at this point and suddenly my body convulsed in a push! I was like, “my body is pushing!”
People say it feels like you have to poop but for me it felt like a wretch like my body was going to make me throw up. I wasn’t nauseous, just the power there of expelling something.
Our midwife very calmly said, “how far do you live from the hospital” and it was time to go. Again, from our birth class, our teacher said you know it’s time to go when you don’t give a fuck about anything other than getting to the hospital. Sure enough, I almost walk out of the house half-dressed like, “FUCK IT BURN IT ALL DOWN LET’S GOOO”
The 10-minute car ride was an out of body experience. I felt like freaking David After Dentist, I was levitating during the contractions. I kept coming back to the Grounding Meditation which had some tree/root imagery. So I was levitating and picturing my arms as branches and my feet as roots. It was wild. My husband was focused af, I have no idea if he was silent or talking, but I know he tried to go gently over the bumps.
At, I think, 4:45 (about 5 hours after the castor oil) our midwife called and asked where we were as right we were turning into the parking lot. She was just a few minutes behind us but had called ahead and they knew we were coming. We pulled up, left the car, and walked in. The nurse asked if I needed a wheelchair I was like, sure. Totally normal in between contractions. I just kinda splayed out in the chair, as a 40+2 pregnant person might, waiting. They wheeled us right across the hall to the delivery room (smart layout, hospital!) and two nurses greeted us. The room was all set up with nice twinkle lights, there was a tub, etc. I was looking forward to laboring in warm water. They had me put on a gown and I was just like, yup, strip down clothes in a pile. As I got on the bed, our midwife came in. The first thing she did was take my mask off for me (thank you!). Then she was like, let’s check how dilated you are. I was having the classic “I don’t know if I can do this” feelings. The contractions were so intense. And then she said, “you’re 10 centimeters you can push on the next contraction.” WAIT WHAT!!? I didn’t even have time to wrap my brain around what was happening. She had me get on all fours to push. I was more on my elbows, ass in the air. I just buried my face in the pillow and puuuuushed and the way my breath exited my body and the sound I was making was from another realm. Longest exhale of my life I didn’t know there was that much breath inside me!
At one point she said, “reach down and feel the head!” and I very halfheartedly reached a shaky hand down and was like yeah great uh huh - 3 contractions later I move on my side so my husband can pull the baby out.
My body is just expelling this baby, pushing her out with its own force. I’m like moan yelling, I don’t even know.
Then she was here and on my belly, all skinny limbs and gray. They’re rubbing her vigorously to help her come into her body and I’m just laying there, looking around the room wide eyed saying, “holy shit! Hoooooly shiiit!!” There is a picture of me in this moment (thank you nurse for asking if we wanted her to take pics!) and it is hilarious. I don’t know what is open wider, my eyes or my mouth.
My husband and I were totally shell shocked for most of the golden hour. The baby latched right away and I feel like I was just laughing and repeating holy shit. I did get 1-2 stitches for a surface tear, it stung a little and I think I was singing to the baby to distract myself. The nurses pushing down on my stomach to make my uterus contract was straight up painful and initially my body was the most sore from that.
I don’t know, y’all, it was as fucking wild. I still can’t believe it happened like that but I feel lucky to be able to think fondly of my first child’s birth and I did enjoy writing this while she slept on me (and then nursed and then fell back asleep).
I have a couple of other things I want to add:
I did not use ANYTHING from my hospital bag. No snacks, no robe, no nothing. I was in the gown the whole time. I watched a million “what’s in my hospital bag” YouTube videos and the only thing I needed was my long phone charger (also note: if you buy a new charger be sure to bring a block for it!).
I for real credit the hypnobirthing meditations for helping me to stay calm and present.
My husband and I have a picture of us at the hospital and I’m 10 centimeters dilated and smiling. I felt incredibly calm for most of the time.
Some other things I was glad I did: upgrade my phone to something with a great camera (sooo many baby pics) and buy a new pair of glasses I actually like, since many days I don’t put my contacts in.
In baby life we’ve found the Hatch to be invaluable, as well as white noise on a phone. Bouncing on a ball puts baby to sleep. Tracking things on Huckleberry helps figure out what might be going on with the baby but really it’s all the same - tired, hungry, both. I love the rubber ducky with the thermometer for bath time. Get some cute hats, seeing my baby in hats and headbands explodes my heart.
One of my biggest worries was (and still is) “is she too hot/too cold.” Another pregnant Reddit friend suggested getting a temperature gauge/thermometer for each room and I did and it rrrreally gives me peace of mind. I know what temps are warm or cool for us at the point.
Ok! That’s all! Thanks for reading, I’ve been writing this post in my mind for months. <3
