20 Women Describe What It Felt Like to Meet Their Baby.
Meeting your baby for the first time may not be a Hallmark moment - yet everyone tells you to expect that you’ll fall head over heels in love with this wet squishy miniature human. That your mama bear fierceness will kick in and life will be magical as your heart explodes with oxytocin. But is that the reality? Was it your reality?
Scrolling through IG I see similar well meaning comments directed at moms patiently awaiting their baby’s arrival. But the reality can be quite different and something we need to talk about. For many women it’s not always a heart exploding love at first sight moment - especially if you had a difficult birth. Social media however would have you believe that every mother experiences #loveatfirstsight leaving many moms confused and ashamed, feeling like they’ve failed an important first test of motherhood before they even got started.
With my second, I felt a little guilty at my lack of emotion when I held him the first time. I was so emotionally drained at that point, all I could do is look at him and tell him how much I loved him. I KNEW that I loved him more than I felt it at that point, but I’ve felt it more every day since!
Holy sh*t, look at what I did! In absolute awe of myself and my baby both times.
I was shocked that such a perfectly formed mature baby just came out of me that I didn’t know what to feel. But one thing I did feel immediately was a strong sense of responsibility that my little guy was looking to me to take care of him. Once things settled down I could start to separate my emotions. But it was very true that until I got to know my son’s personality I didn’t feel an overwhelming rush of affection. But looking back I think it’s because love was so tied up in everything I felt it was hard to tell it apart initially.
First baby 11 weeks ago, was an emergency c section as baby was in distress. I was very disappointed and upset on the table. Kind of felt like a nightmare. I had enjoyed laboring and was very excited to give birth naturally but that was all taken away from us. I should have prepared myself more for the possibility of a section. It was amazing seeing her being lifted out but my body felt disconnected from it. We did get some skin to skin. I remember the first thing I thought was wow her fingers are so long. How is this perfect beautiful baby mine. I didn’t get the overwhelming rush of love, I always imagined I would cry but I didn’t. I was a bit shocked and a little numb from what had happened. My BP was high and my whole body shook after. She was looking to feed straight away but they wouldn’t allow me which I was annoyed about. When I did feed I was still disconnected. Watching my partner mind her and do the things I couldn’t gave me comfort. It was very frustrating not being able to move about and do what my baby needed. I remember being sad I missed the first poop. I also hated the constant check ups, they were constantly interrupting our bonding and any sleep. The need to mind and protect my baby was strong but it felt so surreal she was mine. I remember being in awe and looking at her and thinking how are you my baby and where did you come from. The love was always there but not in a way I imagined it would, it was mixed up and overpowered by all these other emotions and experiences. Made me feel a bit guilty. We did have a lovely moment late one night as she lay on me asleep I tried to process all that had happened. I listened to Higher Love and the release of tears finally came. And I started to accept she was mine. I was afraid to accept she was mine as she was too perfect. The acceptance and the love grew stronger the more time and the more I got to know my baby. It still grows stronger everyday, it feels unbreakable. I still look at my beautiful perfect baby and wonder where she came from.and how lucky I am to have her. I feel like I love her so much more than those first few hours and days, and I will continue to love her more each and everyday. It’s hard to articulate but writing this has helped, thank you!
I had an unplanned cesarean after 50 hours, and I remember that hearing his first cry hit me like a ton of bricks. It made everything snap back to reality, and the trauma of the past 50 hours meant nothing compared to what I had, to what was coming. I did get immediate skin to skin then, thankfully, and I was in awe of how warm he was. Just this glowing little bundle of warmth and life that was really finally there! With my first baby (six babies ago), I saw her and was amazed at her large size...but I struggled to feel that she was MY baby. So the reaction to feed her, wasn’t instant or natural, I had to be reminded “she is hungry...are you going to feed her?” I had 25-hour induced labor 😔 with epidural…
With both my babies I was just tired. Of course I loved them. I had a very natural maternal instinct kick in. I was happy. But I was just so tired that the first few months were just a blur.
I remember Flúirse lying on my chest...I smelt her as everyone said the smell of a new born was unique and the most beautiful fragrance...I remember Ruairi & I just kept smelling her. My heart had burst open, I was as high as a kite with oxytocin💛 In my mind I kept say who are you? Where have you come from? I was in utter disbelief that another human being had come through me , made by the universe and the magic & miracle of my body...completely obvious of its tremendous task! It's just a magical moment, I will treasure forever.
I had a very calm birth I felt when he came out I saw my moms face since she was the first to see him I was waiting which felt like forever for them to give him to me to do skin to skin and as soon as I seen him I cried like a big huge baby and absolutely feel in love . My mom said it was they most amazing experience for her seeing her daughter have a baby
First time mom, bub is now 8 weeks old: I felt completely overwhelmed with shock and disbelief (in a happy sense) that id just given birth to a baby. I burst into tears to the point where I couldn’t catch my breath. I was exhausted and although I knew I loved her immensely, I couldn’t really fathom that she was MY child. I felt so much relief that she was here safely and that labour was over. One part that weirded me out was when her head was crowning the midwife said I could reach down and touch her head...when I did, it didn’t feel like a head. It felt super soft and squishy like I was feeling a boob. It scared me a little and I thought, that’s not a human head! I then thought that she was going to be deformed or something when she came out. So I think that delayed the connection between us initially as I was worried that she might not be ok. When I saw her entire body and they placed her on my chest I honestly couldn’t believe that I had made her and pushed her out. It was life changing. I remember looking at her and being amazed that she had perfect little arms and legs and face and that she was so tiny yet so big at the same time.
Horrible. My first was born by emergency c section, nobody really explained to me about c sections. In my head it was going to be like the scenes you see on TV. Instead I woke up feeling scared, and sore and they handed me this baby that wouldn't stop screaming and I was feeling too unwell to take care of her. I remember looking at her and feeling numb. No love, no “omg she’s beautiful” I felt nothing apart from "is this really what its all about" It took me a good four months to start feeling those emotions at all, and a year before I realised and could admit I had post natal depression. The anticipation and excitement of having a baby and the ideas of what its like that are portrayed on TV did not match my reality at all. It was a really tough time.
I felt the rush of love when I saw my son the first time. The second time I was shocked because it happened so fast and she has so much black hair. I wasn't expecting it. I think after that I was fine. I remember my body shaking with the pain or shock.
Is this really my baby? He doesn’t look like me, where did he get that nose. Is he weird looking? Is this his paternal grandpas face? He’s beautiful. My little changling child. He looks like an elf. I’m so glad he’s outside of me where I can actually take care of him. I’m not letting him go. Im just going to hold him in my arms forever. Look at his hands. He’s so big. He doesn’t even look like a newborn. Omg. I love his squishy face. He’s beautiful. Isn’t he? Is he? Does he look alien? Is he an old soul. His hair is much darker then I thought it would be.
I had a emergency c section and in the recovery room due to nurses changing shifts I was not allowed to hold/do skin to skin/initiate breastfeeding. He was 3 hours old before we were in the high dependency unit that I finally got to hold and feed him. Up until the second he latched on I was just looking at this baby thinking “sure that could be anybody’s baby” Thankfully our breastfeeding journey built an intense immediate bond.
Emergency section and I remember the surgeon asking the anesthetist are we ready, him saying yes but I just screamed in my head NO but thankfully I was gone then. Then waking up to my hubby saying "wake up its time to meet our daughter" to which I was very confused because I had believed I was having a boy, I even asked if he was sure? Did he see her come out? Then he placed her beside my chest and I remember saying to myself "well I hope you know what you are doing here cos I haven't a clue how to feed you". The following morning I didn't even want her handed to me because I didn't know what to do with her so leave her where she is so she doesn't cry. The guilt after for not wanting to hold her initially was unreal but thankfully my sister in law had told me before not to be surprised if you don't love your baby for a while its normal and that helped me heaps so I always say it to any first time moms I know cos no one ever wants to admit it and denies it happens which helps no one.
It was surreal! Nothing prepared me for the feelings that came over me - panic, relief and disbelief! My husband and I just looked at each other and cried.
There are a lot of wild cards in this parenting gig, our expectations don’t always live up to the hype. Bonding with our babies happens over a lifetime. Talk to an understanding care provider to help you work through your feelings and let’s keep this important conversation going. The next time you meet an expectant mom tell her to have an ‘open door’ policy to all of her feelings on that day and to be gentle with herself.
Did it feel like a Hallmark moment for you - or something else?